Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Real Crimes Committed By Dumb Criminals

Chicago: A man was wanted for throwing bricks through jewelry store windows and making off with the loot. He was arrested last night after throwing a brick into a Plexiglas window...the brick bounced back, hit him in the head and knocked him cold until the police got there.

Portsmouth, RI: Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he: 1. fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and 2. later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.

When Stan Caddell wanted to wash his Chevrolet, he backed the car into a foot of water in the Mississippi River at Hannibal, Missouri. When he got out to clean the car, it floated away. Police were able to retrieve the vehicle some distance downstream. According to an officer on the scene, no action would be taken against the driver because "you can't ticket a guy for being stupid..."

Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.

A bank robber in Bumpus, Tenn., handed a teller the following note: "Watch out. This is a rubbery. I hav an oozy traned on your but. Dump the in a sack, this one. No die packkets or other triks or I will tare you a new naval. No kwarter with red stuff on them, too." Dr. Creon V.B. Smyk of the Ohio Valley Educational Council says such notes are, lamentably, the rule. "Right across the board, we see poor pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling and clarity," he moaned. Smyk believes that the quality of robbery notes could be improved if criminals could be taught to plan before writing. "We have to stress organization: Make an outline of your robbery note before you write it," he said. "Some of the notes get totally sidetracked on issues like the make, model and caliber of the gun, number of bullets, etc., until one loses sight of the main idea -- the robbery."

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb." "Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

14 Comments:

Blogger Abi said...

i'm back! did you miss me?

Wednesday, 17 August, 2005  
Blogger banjodude said...

Yes, I did! Where were you?

Thursday, 18 August, 2005  
Blogger LittleWilky said...

Ha! Banjodude, I have a books full of hilarious stuff like this. I'll let you borrow them, might make for some great posting! :)

Thursday, 18 August, 2005  
Blogger Jordo said...

lol those are really funny nathaniel!! I printed then out and showed them to my sisters. they all thought they were hilarious!!!

Friday, 19 August, 2005  
Blogger Abi said...

i have been at school!

Friday, 19 August, 2005  
Blogger banjodude said...

Do what, jordo?

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger banjodude said...

I had fun this weekend, littlewilky! Glad u got to come with us.

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger banjodude said...

So, Abi, what have u done with jjs? Haven't heard from him in a bit.

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger Jordo said...

oh, nothing.

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger Jordo said...

never mind...

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger Abi said...

i have done nothing to him. check his blog--he POSTED! YESS! :)

Monday, 22 August, 2005  
Blogger LittleWilky said...

Thanks, Banjodude. it was totally awesome. I wish I could ride De Javu (sp) again!

Tuesday, 23 August, 2005  
Blogger Jordo said...

hey!!! Did ya'll go to the work day, "banjodude"??? What was there to do there???? After the conference, I was taking out the trash to the dumpster (behind Redeemer), and two tiny labrador puppies ran out from under so crates. We took them home and gave them baths and kept them over the week end. We had to call the pound to come get them this morning :(. they were really cute, though. anyways, you need to say somthing, soon. lol

Monday, 29 August, 2005  
Blogger Jordo said...

once again, i find myself being the only one saying anything.

Wednesday, 31 August, 2005  

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